What do I have?

[groovychk]

I think the hardest thing for me to accept right now is that I'll never have some of the things I took for granted as a child.
This last aborted effort had almost all the ingredients. The start of a family and such was going to be a bit late but after the time invested it would still work out.
My would-be husband in this scenario turned out to just not be capable of it.
Now I'm very close to too old to even start a family. And the years of looking for, finding and bonding with another man if ever will certainly push me past that age.
Very few men will be willing to start families this late in the game. Most of them will already have had families.
I'm realizing the reality now.
I'll never have the kind of relationship that every sappy movie seems to portray. Even a little.
I'll never have that beautiful wedding as a young bride with all my family to attend.
I'll never have that wonderful, joyous environment of my own family. With my loving husband I've been growing older with, three or four children calling me mom and looking to me for everything and me happily giving it.
I'll never have those children to watch grow up, get married and have their own children.
I'll never have grandchildren to play with and watch grow up.
I'll have my parents until they grow old and pass on.
I'll have myself.

Comments

[rigoman.livejournal.com]

ya cant give up, if ya do, he won. all of us have had something happen to us along those same lines. just happened recently to me as well. but here i am, ploding on like nothing happened. dont get me wrong, it hurts. but ya keep looking on the brighter side. if he went of and did this at the drop of hat, then maybe he wasnt what you needed. and dont give up on the family, itll happen. trust me.

[groovychk.livejournal.com]

It's harsh but that's a valid analysis. I messed up by getting involved with him and wasting the prime years of my 30's. Like I said - I was already starting a bit late. He obviously wasn't the one for me. He's not the one for anyone. Quite the messed up individual and he won't let anyone help him. I'll get by - I'll find some kind of contentment - but I don't think I'll have these things. I'm an optimist, really, and I always look for the positive. This just plain sucks though.

[rigoman.livejournal.com]

aye, maybe a bit harsh, but i have a tendency to come across as such. *shrugs* i do agree though, it does suck, there is no doubt in my mind. but i know you have friends, and you cant tell me they arent there for you to lean on. and from that pic, i think youre quite the looker. so who knows, tomorrow ya may be at the mall and BAM!, run into the man of your dreams. i am one of the most down to earth ppl i know, i dont think like everyone, and yet even i still dream. ya never know whats around the corner. so dont forget your dreams, because to forget your dreams, is to forget youre alive.

[groovychk.livejournal.com]

Hehe - well I wasn't saying you were harsh. You are right - I can't give up. I was talking about my self-analysis though! Anyway - thanks :-)
And thanks for the compliment.

[rigoman.livejournal.com]

aint no biggie